gender performativity just really does it for me IDK IDK
new painting, finally learned how to do oils… probably not finished yet though, i think it needs more veiny veins & some better grass……………..
girl you know yo painting skillz is flawless, why you always gotta be worried yo paintings ain’t good enough!? you could stop working on it right now and I would already consider it a beautiful work of art <3
much luv from your #1 fan
When Hades decided he loved this girl
he built for her a duplicate of earth,
everything the same, down to the meadow,
but with a bed added.
Everything the same, including sunlight,
because it would be hard on a young girl
to go so quickly from bright light to utter darkness
Gradually, he thought, he’d introduce the night,
first as the shadows of fluttering leaves.
Then moon, then stars. Then no moon, no stars.
Let Persephone get used to it slowly.
In the end, he thought, she’d find it comforting.
A replica of earth
except there was love here.
Doesn’t everyone want love?
He waited many years,
building a world, watching
Persephone in the meadow.
Persephone, a smeller, a taster.
If you have one appetite, he thought,
you have them all.
Doesn’t everyone want to feel in the night
the beloved body, compass, polestar,
to hear the quiet breathing that says
I am alive, that means also
you are alive, because you hear me,
you are here with me. And when one turns,
the other turns—
That’s what he felt, the lord of darkness,
looking at the world he had
constructed for Persephone. It never crossed his mind
that there’d be no more smelling here,
certainly no more eating.
Guilt? Terror? The fear of love?
These things he couldn’t imagine;
no lover ever imagines them.
He dreams, he wonders what to call this place.
First he thinks: The New Hell. Then: The Garden.
In the end, he decides to name it
Persephone’s Girlhood.
A soft light rising above the level meadow,
behind the bed. He takes her in his arms.
He wants to say I love you, nothing can hurt you
but he thinks
this is a lie, so he says in the end
you’re dead, nothing can hurt you
which seems to him
a more promising beginning, more true.
I don’t know why but I find myself feeling horribly depressed tonight, like there is nothing worth doing or at least like I have not done anything worthwhile in a very long time. Or else like I don’t have enough friends—at least not in the right communities, or at any rate not the communities in which I truly belong. Maybe I should get involved in theatre again. I always loved the theatre community; now I can’t remember why I ever quit. I think it was because I decided that theatre was too difficult a pursuit, and not important enough to me, to warrant as much of my energy as it would require. But now, as I sporadically do, I feel as though something is missing and I can’t help but wonder if theatre would fill that void.
I mean, what I’d really like (a desire inspired, I imagine, by the same RuPaul’s Drag Race binge that has given me the major hots for Raja both in and out of drag) is to be a drag queen. What is the traditional career trajectory for a biological woman who wants to do drag? Does she become a drag king? A faux queen? How does she figure that shit out? I guess I’d like to try out male drag but I don’t know how I’d go about it, or where, and in any event I highly doubt that becoming part of the community is as simple as putting on the makeup and donning the clothes.
Then again, maybe I should just try re-immersing myself in the roller derby community. Perhaps that would do the trick.
God, listen to my idiot self. I don’t think I’m asking for much, you know, just happiness, but maybe that’s a lot to ask for. It certainly doesn’t seem like something I can attain within the next five minutes, so I guess I’ll just watch the two episodes of Girls I’ve missed.
— bell hooks (via ellielamothe)
(via bitterbuffalo)
